To my sweet Ezekiel James,
From the day you were born we’ve called you our angel baby. I had plans of celebrating your first birthday with you, listening to you say your first words and teaching you how to ride a bike, but our God had a much different plan. We spent 141 days slathering you with kisses, hugs, and more snuggles than most babies get in an entire year, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world! There were mornings we would hustle your big sister off to school with tears in her eyes because she hadn’t gotten to hold you long enough before we had to leave. If Madi held you, then Emmitt had to hold you for the same amount of time. You were loved.
I never thought I’d be the mommy writing this letter. My arms ache to hold you again, to feed you, to rock you to sleep on my chest just one more time. Nothing comforts me more than imagining you curled up in the arms of our Savior, the one who created you, who gave you your daddy’s ears and the sweetest little butt-chin; the only one who loves you more than I do. I long to be reunited with you again in heaven. Each morning I wake up, I remind myself that I’m one night closer to spending eternity with our angel baby. One night closer to watching you laugh and play with a smile on your face. One night closer to hearing you say Mama. I pray that your brother and sister will grow up with an eternal perspective far greater than I ever knew at their young age.
My heart longs to know why, but I trust our God’s plan is bigger than my own. I trust that perhaps your purpose here on earth wasn’t to fill my mommy arms, but to fill my mommy heart and bring glory to His name. Ezekiel James you have forever changed my life. A part of me has gone to heaven and I long to be whole again one day. Thank you for reminding me that my life on this earth is but a vapor. You, were the sweetest vapor I’ve ever smelled.