Wednesday, December 17, 2014


It's been a month since we kissed our sweet boy goodbye. My memories are still so fresh and I fear them ever getting farther away. As I held him for the last time, I couldn't stop saying how perfect he was. I wanted to hold him forever. I thanked Jesus over and over for giving him to us. I told Matt a few days later I used to stare at him and wonder how long I would have him. I had no idea at the time that it was Jesus gently preparing my heart.  It sounds so strange, but I never remember having those thoughts with my other babies. His life was so perfect. He was loved and snuggled for four and half months and then whisked off to heaven...heaven, FOREVER.

I recently listened to a podcast of a pastor who had lost his five year old daughter. He made an analogy of having four arrows (four daughters) and said that he'd already gotten one in the target. My heart can totally relate. As much as I miss my sweet baby, I also long to know my other kids are safe in the arms of Jesus. It hurts to think about the earthly pains that Madi and Emmitt will face. I want them to know Jesus' love for them. I want them to be held tightly in His arms. I rejoice knowing my Zekey bug is there.

Hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

Thank you, Jesus for holding my baby for me.